Case in point. As I've previously mentioned, I have one regular customer in my Ubering. He lives a couple of blocks from me and I pick him up most mornings at 7:45 and take him to Hollywood. It's a nice way to start my shift because it's a decent fare which drops me into a busier area.
Thing is, though ... I don't think he cares about me much. Here we've been riding together for a couple of months now, having mostly surface conversations, but a couple of more medium depth. And it's not like I expect us to be best friends, but I would think he'd care a little. But I don't know that he does.
Example #1: One rainy day I hit a puddle as I was hitting the brakes and skidded forward, almost hitting the car in front of me. I said, 'Sorry about that'. He responded, 'It's not my car'.
Nice, right?
Example #2: Uber has a new thing where if there's a surge price in effect, it will tell the customer how long that pricing period will last, after which it may go up or down or stay the same. One day he was few minutes late, and I was slightly bummed because the surge pricing had dropped from 2.1 to 1.4. Not that I said anything. But then he told me that he saw the price and decided to wait to call me.
This one really bugs me. He made me wait and then I made less money because of it. And it's not like he's paying for it - his company pays for it. And I wanted to ask him what he would think if I saw him hailing me and ignored it and waited until the prices went up? I mean, most days I let several hails go before he hails me. That day, I could have had a 2.1 fare So, to me, this is a real dick move.
Example #3: Some days he doesn't need a ride. His wife will be going that way or he's taking his kid to the doctor or something. And usually he doesn't let me know until the time when I would usually pick him up. Doesn't sound like a big deal - why can't I just get another fare? Yeah, but I've learned that if I'm going to work mornings, and I don't have a guaranteed good first fare, I need to start earlier. Most days when you start at that time, you get stuck with several short trips and the end result is I make about half as much for the morning.
Yes, I've asked him to notify me earlier. But he never does. On one hand it's understandable - he just forgets. On the other hand, it's further evidence that he just doesn't think about me.
There's the setup - I know, it took a while.
So, last week, I pulled up at his place and after waiting longer than usual, he showed up next to my car and explained that he forgot to tell me that he wouldn't need a ride that day. Which was the final straw. I got small. I started thinking nasty things about him. And the next day, I was merely polite as I drove him. No attempts at conversation, no looking at him. A mostly silent treatment.
Did he ask if something was wrong? Of course not. Either he didn't notice or didn't care. But this situation was untenable. I really didn't want to drive him in silence every day. So I thought about how to proceed. I fantasized about how I could make him feel bad by telling him the ways in which he's been a dick. Of course, when you're indulging a fantasy like this, you have to make yourself out to be pure and just and the victim of the other person, even while you're plotting how best to make them feel emotional pain. Right?
I had the whole weekend to grouse about it. And during the weekend I had a couple of other situations come up where I found reasons to feel put-upon or under-appreciated or the victim of some slight.
But there got to be too many. And while I am often a very small man, I do not like feeling small. I do not like feeling like I am ruled by pettiness. And I read again about St. Therese, who was a terrifically unimportant person but who made it a point not to be small. She looked at others to whom it would have been easy to be small at, and instead chose to be large. Her compassion was large. Her kindness was huge. She didn't do a lot, but the little things she did, she did them with big love.
I want to be more like that. So, I decided not to confront my regular. And I decided to smile and make conversation and generally let go of my pettiness and anger. And who knows? Maybe that's what he really needs - someone to just accept him as he is and to smile and be nice to him.
But I'm pretty sure it's what I need. For my own good. And the last couple of days, I've felt ... a little bigger.
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