Introverts and Extroverts and the Art of Conversation

I’ve noticed something lately.  If you ask someone questions and take the time to listen, people will talk to you.  And talk.  And talk.  And never shut up.

See, I’ve been trying this new thing where I attempt to be friendly and get to know people.  I know – doesn’t sound like me at all.  Nevertheless, I’ve been smiling and introducing myself and asking questions.  And I have gotten to know a lot about quite a few people.  But I’m willing to bet they don’t know much about me.  Why?  Because they don’t ask.  I ask them about themselves and they talk and talk and talk.  If there is a momentary lull, they will rush to fill it with – you guessed it! – more talking about themselves and their opinions.

Luckily, some of them are entertaining to listen to or have interesting opinions.  But only some.

I think it has to do with the extrovert-oriented culture we’re living in.  Here’s something I’ve figured out about extroverts.  They like to engage in conversation.  It’s an activity for them.  And extroverts like to jump into activities and experience them to the fullest.  The priority is not to exchange information or find meaning or learn anything.  It’s just to do it!  Talk!  Converse!  Get in there and mix it up with words with other people!

The introvert, in case you’re interested, does not seek conversation as an activity.  They seek to learn, to understand, to have a point, even if the point is to be silly.  They want to engage with the other person, and the conversation is a means to that end.  They seek to connect.

Do I sound harsh?  Certainly, there are some extroverts who know how to hold their tongues.  If you are one of them – if you have learned that only the fool blathers on, then this doesn’t apply to you, does it?

And there are introverts who have adopted the extroverted way of conversing – going on and on.  Which is sad, because you’re so much more interesting if you take the time to think through some of what you want to say.

How about if we take the time to get to know each other, instead of just talking?  It reminds me of the animals in Narnia.  Once they started acting like animals, Aslan let them go back to being just animals.  And they lost their power of speech.  Hmm … maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Proverbs 18:2 – A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.