U.L.P. – Unintentional Lameness Projection

I’ve made up a silly acronym to talk about something serious.  What I’m talking about is when you make someone else feel like a loser through inaction and lack of communication.  Something we all do and we’re all subjected to.  And I think it’s one of those life lessons we need to learn and relearn. 

Example # 1 – During this very cold December, my apartment was without heat.  About a month and a half ago, the gas company red-tagged my wall heater.  Don’t worry, I have a space heater and blankets and a higher tolerance for cold than most, so I was fine.  But it was bothering me that it’s taking the landlady so long to fix it, especially during such a cold month.  I called her, and I could tell she felt bad and, frankly, embarrassed.  Seems that the heaters in over half of the units had to be replaced, and it’s $3,000 a pop.  And she didn’t say this specifically, but I’m guessing a $50,000 price tag was a bit steep for the building owner all in one month.  And she did say that they were focusing on the apartments with kids first.

Now, again, I’m fine.  But it’s the lack of communication that bothers me.  And the main problem is not my landlady’s fault – she’s stuck with what the building owner is willing or able to do.  But her error is in letting her awkwardness or embarrassment keep her from calling me and letting me know what’s going on.  Because that’s all I really want.  But her lack of dealing with me properly sent me the message that I’m just a peon renter and that I’m not important.

Example # 2 – I was at the grocery store about 6 months ago.  I had all of my items on the conveyor belt, when the line stopped moving.  I didn’t know what was going on at first, but about 5 minutes went by, and the cashier studiously avoided my gaze.  It turned out that what happened was the shopper in front of me had decided to go grab ‘one more thing’.  And the cashier was stuck there waiting longer and longer.  The cashier was put in an awkward position.  And if she’d just turned to me and explained what was going on or somehow acknowledged me, then I would have been fine.  But instead she ignored me, which made me feel like crap.  And it happened to be on a day when it was the last straw and it jacked up the rest of my day.

We all do this.  Sometimes it’s when you’ve been meaning to call someone, and then you feel bad that you’ve taken so long, so you postpone doing it some more.  Okay, you’re feeling bad about not calling, but you’re also making them feel like they’re not worth your time.  And you know that if you call them and tell them that you were doing the thing where you weren’t calling because you felt bad about not calling, you’ll probably both laugh about it – because we’ve all done it.

Or at a party, when you don’t say hello to someone because you ‘don’t want to bother them’.  You may be doing it because you feel shy or insecure.  But the message they may be receiving is that you’re too good to talk to them.

I was at a party recently, and someone I only know as an acquaintance was about to leave, when she looked over and noticed me.  She stopped and walked across the room just to say hello to me.  I felt like a million bucks.

So the next time you’re feeling shy or embarrassed or awkward, and there’s a chance that someone else could take that the wrong way, just take the time to communicate with them.  Swallow your pride or insecurity or whatever and try to see that lack of communication from their side.