Time Spent

There's a book you may have heard of called the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  It talks about how people usually have a primary love language: Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. 

My love language is Quality Time, or as I like to call it, Time Spent.  What it means is that I tend to express love by spending time with people, investing my hours with them.  And, conversely, I feel most loved when people choose to spend time with me, especially when they initiate it.

I remember when I was getting over a big breakup, I was, understandably, in a slight depression.  Then one day, I had a friend call.  He'd missed my birthday party, and wanted to make it up by hanging out with me.  We had lunch, then went to a nearby game shop and tried a couple of games, and he bought me one.  Then we went back to his place, where his wife, another good friend, made us all dinner.  And then we played more games.

Wait ... maybe my love language is games ...

Anyway, that was the day that I got over the breakup.  Because two of my friends just wanted to hang out with me all day.  That's what I needed.  It made me feel like I was a person that was worth spending time with.

There are some downsides to this love language.  For example, I don't always call friends to see if they want to hang out, because subconsciously I'm waiting to see if somebody calls me.  And it's a bit odd having this love language and being an introvert, as I'm usually pretty content to just hang out by myself a lot.  But if I'm not careful, I'll stay alone too long, and my tank will drain from lack of quality time, and then I just don't want to leave the house.  Which is why I try to protect myself by having different groups meet at my house regularly.

So, what's my point?  Gotta have a point, right?  Alright, three points.

1. Good book - worth the read.  I've got a copy if you want to borrow it.
2.  It's important to figure out the love languages of the people around you.  Because you may be a gift giver, but they don't always get the message when you give them little presents, because their language is Acts of Service.  Or you may not be much of a writer, but a little note to a Words of Affirmation person can change their whole day.
3. If you want to make me feel loved, hang out with me.  And we'll play games.