Hospitality

I've been thinking a lot about hospitality.  Before Thanksgiving, I asked around and posted on Facebook, to see if anyone didn't have somewhere to go for Thanksgiving.  I know how lonely it can feel to not be invited anywhere (at least, nowhere you really want to go).  But you know what surprised me?  On Facebook, I seemed to be the only one extending that invitation.  Most of my friends are Christians - shouldn't there have been a bunch of notices on there saying 'hey, if ya got nowhere to go, come join us'?

I think we've redefined hospitality in a very poor way.  We think of it in terms of having friends and family over.  And sure, that's part of it.  It's funny, 'cuz the guys in my men's group think I am very hospitable, in my own man-cavey kind of way.  But am I?  I mean, truth be told, when we get someone in the group that I don't care for as much, I'm not exactly going out of my way to make them feel welcome.  Sure, I'll smile and shake their hand and tell them there's drinks in the fridge, but I'll let the other guys strike up conversations with them.  Because I don't like them.  Something about them puts me off.  They're not 'my' kind of person.  So I'll go through the motions, but really I'm removing myself, not investing.

That's not hospitality.  And neither is throwing a party and inviting lots of people, but not so-and-so, because, you know, she'll just ruin it with her complaining or boasting or whatever thing she does.  Oh, and you just know that afterwards, she'll be posting on Facebook about how come she wasn't invited?

Well, yeah.  Because she's hurting.

In high school, there was a really annoying girl who was the younger sister of someone in our circle.  She was a little slow and socially awkward and super clingy.  And she would come up and grab your arm and hug on it and not let go.  And when I saw her coming, I would often quickly not be there.  And when she would talk to me, I would answer with a terse, annoyed response. Because I didn't want to encourage her to stick around.  Years later, I was telling a friend, and they asked me what would have happened if I had given this girl what she needed?  If, instead of pulling away, I had turned to her, given her a hug, and spent a minute or two talking to her and looking her in the eyes.

Wow.  I so wish I had.  And I don't know how much further I've come since then, but I'm trying to be a little better about it now.  When someone talks to me that I don't want to talk to, I want to pull away, but sometimes (not always) a little voice suggests that I stay there and listen.  'Cuz what's it gonna hurt me?  What - I can't take a couple of minutes out of my day to make someone feel heard?

Just something to think about.  We need to make time for the irritating and annoying people.  Take time to listen.  Offer a hug, unbidden.  Invite them to the party.  Because that's true hospitality.