Is it a sin to be too nice? Well, yeah!

I'm in a grumpy mood today, same as yesterday.  And I'm going to tell you why, in the hopes that venting it will be cathartic.

One of the things that really pushes my buttons is when people do the wrong thing because they're 'being nice'.  I will give you examples.

I was eating out with a group of friends and my food did not arrive as I had ordered it (I'm a picky eater, so this happens often enough).  My friends noticed that I was not eating, and asked if something was wrong, and I explained.  I then waited for the waitress to reappear.  But when the waitress reappeared, one of my friends took it upon himself to explain the problem to her.  I was so upset that I could no longer eat and left the table.  Why?  Because I was already frustrated - I had ordered the meal correctly, but they got it wrong.  Okay, mistakes are made.  But my friend, by not allowing me to fix the problem myself, made it exponentially worse.  I need to work out problems for myself, or I feel unresolved, and he took that away from me.  Add to that, that he's not my parent - so why in the world would he jump in like that without even asking?  I don't need him to take care of me, like I'm an invalid.

Many's the time I've been in a parking lot and I get to an intersection after someone else, and they wave for me to go.  And I understand that sometimes people are figuring out where to go, or whatever, and need a moment - I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about the clueless person, who happily waves you on as if they're doing you a favor.  They've got 5 cars waiting behind them, but they're giving me the go-ahead.  And when I wave back to them that they should go - oh, no!  They insist!  It doesn't matter to them that people are waiting behind them - they're doing their good deed for the day.  Well, stop doing your 'good deed', and just drive correctly!

Which brings me to yesterday.  I was in a line, and several people cut in line in front of me.  And each time it happened, I grew more and more angry, not just that they were cutting in front of me, but because what they were doing was wrong.  And the woman manning the table just let them.  So, I waited my turn, but I decided that I would say something when I got to the front.

Meanwhile, another friend was waiting for me.  She came over and was perplexed that I was still in line, so through gritted teeth and with a little bit of swearing I explained the situation.  Her reaction?  To 'take care of' the problem.  As you can probably guess from the earlier example, this did not make me happy.  I was already angry, so some of my anger spilled out at her as I told to to stay out of it.  'Cuz, what the hell? I'm an adult.  I already have my own plan for addressing the situation.  Where does she get off poking her head in where it doesn't belong?  Don't be fucking 'nice' - just leave me alone and let me deal with the situation the way I think best!

So she leaves.  And I wait.  Finally I get to the front and do my thing.  And as soon as I'm done, I lean forward and explain to the woman that she let a bunch of people cut in line (I believe I did this in a calm and confidential voice).  She looks genuinely shocked.  Now, did she apologize?  No.  She said something about not realizing and that she was just trying to help people.  But the point is that she should have been aware.  There was a line.  People were jumping to the FRONT of the line, right in front of her.  She should have noticed.  And you know what I think?  I think she was being 'nice'.  It would have felt awkward to turn to someone who just appeared out of nowhere and ask them if they had waited in line, so she chose not to.  And whether I'm right about that or not, I think she should have apologized, as her actions, whether intentional or not, did affect me.  But she did not apologize - she rationalized.  So as I was walking away, I turned back and said, with a glare, that that was why I was saying something - because she should have noticed.

So, I was in a bad mood the rest of the day, and I'm grumpy still today.  Okay, do I wish that I were a better person?  Yes.  I wish I could just let things go and not get worked up and not raise my voice and so on.  But I'm human, and sometimes these things eat at me and sometimes my darker nature wins.

And the bottom line is that I think I'm right.  I shouldn't let my pride get in the way over it, but I am right.  And people should be more concerned about doing what is correct instead of their own warped interpretation of what it means to be nice.  You want to help someone or be nice to someone?  Ask.  'I see that you're upset - would you like me to help you with that?' or 'I'm sorry, but did you see that there's a line?'

Because you think you're being nice, but you're not.  You're hurting someone.