Pointed in the Write Direction

Sometimes when I'm depressed, life starts to seem pointless.  Sometimes even when I'm not depressed.  But it occurs to me that I need to ask the question, 'What would I want the point to be?'  Or, 'What would life look like if there was a point?'

Because saying life is pointless without an alternative is just being negative.

Often the pointless point is connected to loneliness.  The idea being that if I had someone to share my life with, then it wouldn't feel so pointless.  And I know from experience that having a girlfriend or even a close friend to spend time with frequently, does help alleviate the feeling of pointlessness.

But not completely.  Because it's a feeling.  Life FEELS pointless sometimes.  But when I'm spending time with someone and feeling loved and understood, I FEEL better.  But life either is pointless or it isn't, no matter how I feel about it.  And while I'm always going to feel negative feelings at times, it seems like it would help to fight those feelings if I had more of an anchor.  Something I could point myself at and say, 'See?  That's the point!  Focus on that!'

So!  What is the point?  Many Christians would say, and rightfully so, to glorify God.  To love Him and be loved by Him.  Yada yada.  But as you can tell from my glib yada yada, I don't find that answer satisfying.  Perhaps because it's too general.  I can stand up and say, 'God, I glorify you!', but it doesn't feel up some meter in my soul, and honestly I feel like only the cat is listening. 

OK, so perhaps something more specific to me.  Something about making my mark or leaving something behind or leaving the world better than I found it, or even helping just one person to have a better day, whether that's through writing or hugging or smiling at the counter person at the fast food place or visiting guys in prison or playing board games with folks on Tuesday nights.  'Cuz that's the stuff I do.  Those are some of the things that make up my unique contribution to the world and hopefully glorify God in the process.

Nope.  Doesn't do it.  Still doesn't seem like a point.  It's closer, but it kinda feels like a band-aid, and one that flips up on one end and gets looser and looser until it starts unwrapping all the time and you have to keep sticking it back down, but the sticky part has lost it's stickiness, so you let it flap around for a while and then finally rip it off.

Of course, the problem may be me.  Perhaps other people in life do reach a point where they believe they can clearly see the point of life.  I've always suspected that I feel more unsatisfied than the average person.  So that could be it.

But there's one more question to ask.  Could I be right?  Could it be that life is actually pointless?  Could it be that this existential question cannot be answered because we simply refuse to accept that life really is pointless?

Nah, I'm not buying that.  We're here.  Life is not an accident.  I think, therefore I am.  There's gotta be something to it.  There's just gotta be.  Right? 

But there still might be a clue there.  And here's what I'm thinking.  Maybe life feels pointless simply because this life is not all that there is?  It's like trying to figure out where a puzzle piece goes before realizing that you're only working on one little area and that piece belongs somewhere else in the puzzle.  Maybe it's just that this life is pointless ... by itself.  And we can't see the larger picture, at least not very clearly.

David wrote in Psalm 17, "As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness.  I will be satisfied with Your likeness when I awake."  And what he's saying there is that that satisfaction isn't now.  It's then.  In the next life. 

When I think about dying and going to the next life, I imagine that when I meet Jesus, with one look all of my stuff will fall away - all of my expectations and insecurities and false faces and well-intentioned lies that I've told myself - they'll all just fall off of me and I'll be free.  Free to love and be loved.  And maybe that's also when the point will finally be clear.  Maybe it's too hard for me to see through all of my crap.

So, what is the point?  Yeah, it's to glorify God.  Yeah, it's about other people.  But it's also about getting through it.  It's about keeping your head down ... er ... holding your head high ... um ... doing something with your head appropriate to your situation, and keeping your eyes on Jesus, knowing that he's got a point waiting for you when you meet.  Just gotta get there!  Exclamation point.