Why I Look At You Like That

I've noticed that often people react strongly to my reactions.  I'll give them a look or exclaim in such a way that is unnerving or upsetting.

The thing is, though, I find people fascinating and I am always trying to figure them out.  In Myers-Briggs, I'm an INTJ, which is the scientist, but what I study is people.  In the Enneagram, I'm a 5, which is the observer, but what I observe is ... you guessed it ... people.

And while in many ways, I can be emotionally reserved, I do react when people behave in a way that confuses or surprises me. 

"Why would you do that?" 

"You do know that makes no sense, right?" 

"What the hell!?!"

The thing is, it's not that I want you to feel stupid.  If I actually think you're stupid, I will try not to let on.  So if you're getting a big reaction out of me, I think it's my robot brain saying, "Does.  Not.  Compute."

So, for example, if you've just made an emotional argument and won't listen to logic, then I may react strongly.  If you've done something to cause our team to lose the game, and I think you really do know how to play, you may get an outburst.  Especially if we're playing Outburst.

But, just so you know, it's a good thing.  It means I'm trying to figure you out.  Yes, I'm feeling incredulous or confounded and you may feel put on the spot or judged, but that's not really it.  (OK, some of it is judging - shut up, I'm making a point.)  It means I'm invested in understanding you.  I care about understanding you.  And I'm choosing to interact with you in an emotional way, which not everyone gets from me.

So the next time I look at you like you're an alien or exclaim that what you did made no sense, don't flip out.  Maybe ask me what I'm thinking and feeling and dialogue with me.  I'll love that, and I'll listen and explain, so you'll feel (one would hope) better loved and understood, too.

And I'll try to explain myself better in the moment.  But I'm just so perplexed by you!